Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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