For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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