I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
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I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
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nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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