The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
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theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
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I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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