I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
