shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
