She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
