Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
