are you so shy because you have an std?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
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Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
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Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize