He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
