wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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