i would punch a child for taco bell
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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