I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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