will power is for people who don't want to get laid
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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