we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
