true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
