Umm I'm too high to move.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
