dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You are the jesus of drinking
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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