we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
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Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
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His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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