After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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