Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
