My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
