he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
