birth control should be required to get into college
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
