and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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