But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
