your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
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Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
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Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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