I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
