is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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