my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
