I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
