During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
