There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
