So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
