i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize