i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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