We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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