Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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