mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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