So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize