3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
