You're so nebulous sometimes
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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