I need help removing her.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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