i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm just crazy horny about you
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
