let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I am spending my child support on dildos
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
