it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
