u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
