So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
