I just made out with a guy for $7.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
