I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Randomize
