My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
