a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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