youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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