Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
