maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
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you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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