What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
