She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize