sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
