THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
