lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
