For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
