Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Why are your pants in the freezer?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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