well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
