Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
