i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
