I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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