we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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