He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize