So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
